The one you saw in the alley last evening

I had a name and an identity;
the one that was scrapped off me
when I reached my eighteenth year;
when a girl reached womanhood.

Four walls bind me now,
and there isn’t any escape.
I am lost amidst the darkness,
and time has just started turning vicious,
as every second passes by.
Seasons keep on changing,
but for me it’s always been
shivering cold out here that
sends a chill down my spine,
and my heart’s just a barren land.

Every time I try to satiate my thirst; my thirst for living,
yet I fail.
Every time.

These men that come to me,
don’t talk of love,
but say, they’re making love to me.
They hear my moans as they get inside me;
as they play with my body,
and when they’re done;
done with pleasing themselves,
they throw bundles of paper infront of me;
the papers that have a name: Money.

Every time I realise, how I may not have a name or an identity,
but my body is known by many; the one that has an identity and the body
which with time shall lose its identity too
when my skin will be withered,
and my hair will turn grey;
when no makeover can make me attract men.

All these sighs and thoughts,
and here I wait for the next man to come up to me.
I need to satisfy him, don’t I?

Image courtesy: Google

Advertisements

I was in love yesterday

Love, they say is subjective. If you ask a person what love means, you’ll be left with thousands of definitions. Noone really knows what love is. The least I can say is that “It’s something magical”.

It’s been a while since I met him. Our meeting was by chance. I mean totally. Guess that’s what movies try to portray sometimes but we fail to understand claiming it to be something unrealistic. There’s definitely a reason behind why we encounter certain people in our lives. Life is indeed a movie, where some characters remain till the end and some are just guest appearances. I didn’t know if he was the former or the latter. But, as days passed by, my subconscious mind started believing that he shall be one of those very people who I believe, will stay. I don’t know. I was yet to know. But, there was this one thing that I knew. He was special to me.

We used to go out at times, talk about our lives, tirade into the Government and not so perfect lives, crack jokes and do what every other “we are just friends” people usually do. We were indeed very good friends. Well.. maybe Best Friends.

But, I was in love yesterday. Yes! You heard that right. It was just a moment. He had a sore throat, I remember him telling me two days prior and tonight he sang to me. I remember, how he behaved like a five year old scared of his parents, because he did some mischief, after he sang to me, because he felt the “critic” in me would be alive that night and tell him how much of a pathetic singer he is. Trust me, I was all smiles then. It was just that moment when I realised what having butterflies in the stomach actually meant. That moment of innocence; of honesty; of bliss. I know not how long what we have between us persists, but it feels beautiful remembering what he gifted me that night. I mean really.

It’s 3 AM now, and I am smiling to myself. I was in love yesterday.

You shall be in love someday,

I was in yesterday,

For love comes in the nights

And leaves us in the mornings.

Picture courtesy: Google

Right?

Dear single hearts,

I know that right now you are not in a romantic relationship with any guy/girl. You may be enjoying your singlehood or you may be in a wait of the right person to strike you right there or you may be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. There are ofcourse so many possibilities out there. But let me tell you, there’s no right guy or right time.

Yes, you heard that right. Often we hear people telling us that we’ll find the right guy in the right time. But, after you meticulously study your own life you shall be able to understand that there’s no thing as the right guy or the right time. Infact, who are we to decide what’s right or wrong for us? Everyday, we stumble upon hundreds of new faces (superficially). We interact with them. Some, we connect more with and some, less.

Today, I may seem like some cranky old lady trying to persuade you into believing something imbecile. But,what I am saying is the truth. Trust my words for once, will you?

You know there’s one of these things that keeps me inquisitive always is that how can you know who is right for you? When can you know that the time is right? Well, the fact is we have this propensity of believing what’s right for us when a certain thing manages to induce a positive energy in our lives; when we feel happy; when life runs smoothly. And the moment a person becomes the reason behind negative vibes in our lives, we stick a tag of “not the right person for me.” We, not even for once push our minds into thinking that if it wasn’t us ourselves, no thing in this entire universe has got the power to make us do what we don’t want and noone really can own the key to your happiness if you don’t hand it over to them.

The right guy and the right time can be “created” by you yourself. Look around you once, maybe you have failed to recognise the one whose energy matches with you. You may have not given that person enough time and chances to prove himself/herself to be someone whom you can carry on a beautiful, err to be precise a matured romantic relationship with, which eventually has the ability to make your life beautiful.

Now, after much backspacing since the last seven minutes I have decided to wind up everything by simply stating that time is really precious, and so are people who really understand you. Learn to balance between whom you need to be patient with and whom you need to cut off from your life. Yes, cutting off because some people don’t give rise to a positive aura around you. Their energy is not something that you must be seeking for. Otherwise, there ain’t a thing like a wrong person. It’s totally based upon how we perceive things as and how we can take our lives the “right way” and make the most of the time left with us. ūüėČ

With love,

Another single heart.

Picture courtesy: Pinterest

Darkness, his old friend 

“Smoking is injurious to health!”. He read aloud the signboard and let out a guffaw, and lit the cigarette in his hand. Smoke covered up his entire face almost, seemed like. 

It was half past five. Dusk had almost fallen. Even that day, I was trying to read the story behind the smile that he always faked; learn what made him cripple. Was there something that kept him smothered and abstained him from opening up? I wanted to decipher the entire Him. 

Though we have been known each other only for few months, we have spent enough nights discussing about almost everything, be it music or politics or sex or any college assignment or anything and everything possible. But there was something that he always kept hidden from me: The reason behind why he was on drugs; why he smoked like there was no tomorrow; why every night of his was dedicated to Mozart and whiskey and sometimes Steven Wilson. 

I asked him a couple of times. He never had an answer for me. 
But this time, I wasn’t letting him go. I needed an answer. I wanted to know what it was that has been killing him from the inside. 

I held his hand told him what if his mother was alive, wouldn’t she be in tears to see her son destroy himself… 

He stood numb for a moment and he broke down. This was the first time I saw him cry in that manner. I held his hand tighter and assured him my company and support. 
“Everyone, Margaret!”, he continued, “Everyone leaves me!” “My mom and dad met with an accident on my first birthday while returning from a nearby market. Nobody wanted to look after this orphan and everyone considered me to be evil. Then, one of my aunt, my mother’s sister decided to take up my responsibility. She gifted me enough happiness, until the time she was diagnosed with cancer. I lost her too. I was doing well not even in music. People stopped listening to me and accused me of being a stupid drug-addict. My world was in pieces. It still is in.”

“If smoking is injurious to health, let me kiss it thoroughly, for death is the only thing I desire for now.” He smiled. I felt my world sweep away under my feet. 

He couldn’t die. He ought to live. I knew. 

Picture courtesy: Pinterest

Ajar ’tis

To Eduard of my story, 
Just a confession out here. I am not strong enough to be able to defy death. Ofcourse, I am no Veronica. I amn’t that lucky to be able to win over death, when I deliberately shall want to. I am just as dumb; as naive. I swallow my secrets every night when my lips try to elicit them. I cry to sleep, knowing that my feelings will never reciprocate and I wake up the next morning, feeling incomplete. 

You know, you are not the very first guy I cried for or wanted to date. I had been in love before and also had my heart broken which makes me laugh now,  knowing that that wasn’t love, but just mere infatuation during my teenage years. Even this time, I was pretty sure that you were just one of my stupid crushes and that whatever I have for you shall fade away with time. 

It’s been a long time now. From craving to talk to you atleast for once in my lifetime, to teasing you everyday, we have had a plethora of memories. And as time passed by, I realized that I have finally come to know what being in love actually feels like. 

Undoubtedly, I am not Veronica to be aware of when I shall be dying, so confessing everything to you…. on your face, My Eduard is no easy a task. I am shy. I am scared. I am somewhere standing in the fine line between the fear of losing my friend, and the fear of losing my love. And I don’t know if it’s cool enough to let you know when all we have now is to pass our college days with me not aware of when death shall kiss me.

I have always wanted to confess this, but something kept pulling me back. I am actually befuddled on whether I shall be your lover for a while, or be just a friend forever. I guess I would have never known what Love is, had it not been you. So, my Eduard, know that no matter what this stupid friend of yours will always be there as a shoulder to cry upon. 

                 The girl you will never fall for 

Picture courtesy: eskipaper.com

The 53rd second 

‚Äč

There was something new lingering around me. Oh! was it the champagne or the taste of his kiss that he planted on my tender lips or was it the might of his sugarcoated words or the new novel that I have been holding in my hands since the last twenty minutes that has left me intoxicated. Oh! well I guess I’ll never know what I was going through and what stimulated Oxytocin and Dopamine in my body that resulted in a curve down my face inspite of the troubles engulfing me within. 

The past few days have been enthralling. From Richardson-Dushman’s equation to Shakespeare, I have been juggling myself around and tried to fit in with genres not of the same kind. Maybe I was adjusting to a whole new phase of life or probably trying to distangle myself from the knots that made me feel claustrophobic. 

Running my thumb through the music player on my cellphone I chose a song that had won my heart and soul the moment I heard it first and I adjusted myself to the window seat of the cab. “I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years. And I’ll leave my heart wide open”… the 53rd second introduced me to these lines which weren’t mere. Yes, I did feel the energy and strength that enlightened me and ushered me with hopes of extirpating the sins and troubles that I had. Yes, I did leave my heart wide open and let my emotions flow freely . And Hey! Was I in love with him that made me fall in love with my life!  I guess another 53rd second will make me realise so :’) 

A matter of chance,legit eh?  

‚Äč

Never have I aimed to be a writer nor somebody’s muse. I have always feared trammels; no hindrance did I ever want to have in my life. But then, life is not a bed of roses and even if it was so we all know that Roses do have thorns. Once you get pricked by it pain doesn’t remain a friend of distant memory. 

Naive, that’s what people used to describe me as. And it was legit much to describe a girl who won’t be travelling to Kentucky to have just a try on Burley. I was the sort who was always confined to her bed with a pair of earphones as her soulmate. Had I been stout, I would have clearly justified the character sketch of the tramp that Griffin encounters in the story. 

And all of a sudden, Guilelessness met Complexities and a whole number of things became incomprehensible and what people call as 3 Am thoughts came into being in my life, making a clear path for perpexlities. 

These whole set of new things once  made me somebody’s muse and now to look at me he did refuse. And the roller coaster ride that I still am going through made me inject my notebook with words heavy enough to describe my emotions, and people started calling me a Writer… but I believe that I am more of a portrayer of my life, a storyteller maybe. I write so that my feelings don’t decease, even after I take a leave. 

So, you know things just happen by chance. An aimless nincompoop like me finally was somebody with an ample of experiences from heartbreak to heartheal and somebody with an upbringing ensembled with both highs and lows. 

You just never know what’s in store. You just never know if the beginning is the end or the end the beginning. Life is just a gorge that keeps on flowing, and happiness and sorrow, my dear is just a matter of chance. 

Me and Her 

‚Äč

Slowly, I tried to pick her up and hold her in my arms. Her dying body, her aching heart ; a perfect blend of hopelessness and agony. My frail hands found it difficult to lift all that weight. But, they just didn’t admit to accept defeat. 

I looked at her withered skin and the burns that articulated her past memories impregnably. She had almost stopped breathing and suffocation took the better of her. But, she was not dead yet. She was alive… alive with her tears and a gorge of blood finding its way from her body. She was wounded; wounded with injuries that were impalpable. 

Nothing went unseen by me. Seconds that turned into years finally made my frail hands way stronger. I could lift her up. I could make my hands reach the visor, the visor that was broken down once. I made myself prepare with a shield too, leaving no stone unturned to protect her. 

And little by little I was able to see her visage glow. There she was, smiling. Her eyes were gleaming, perhaps with joy and hope. She was full of life once again. Her wounds started fading. She no longer was left smothered and broken. She metamorphosised, only to be stronger and better. 

“She” is the soul; the soul of mine that was once broken into bits and “Me”? Oh well! I am just Me, the skin protecting the soul fighting with the noxious air around me :’) 

Two steps forward

 ‚Äč‚Äč

Was it easy? I am pretty sure, it wasn’t. It did hurt you a lot when all his/her gifts, promises .. all started to seem just a mere illusion. It did hurt you to know that his/her “I’ll love you Forever” stands  obsolete now, and that the definition of Forever has been changed now. It did hurt you when you went through those conversations when life was like a fairytale; those beating hearts over Whatsapp too add to the deep agony. And do you still remember sitting below the elm tree on that bench with the serene lake infront? Sigh! Now it’s all a thing of your past that you have left far behind. Life did take a turn, didn’t it? Well, do you realise that now that life did take a turn, you will be embarking on a new journey; explore new things; confront a new horizon? Yes, you shall be gifted with a whole new life with lots of adventures full of zeal and thrill! You shall lose yourself in the lap of nature and wait for the one who is actually meant for you… who will stand beside you no matter what and tell you how beautiful you look even if you are unkempt; The one who will kiss away every wound of yours and hold your hand in every step. Trust me, your past was just a lesson for you to teach you about what life actually is and there is no point in regretting, instead you should always look forward and be thankful to have learnt so much in life. Nevertheless, to all the heartbroken people out there~ “Smile, not because you need to fake it infront of people, smile because it suits you best and it indeed is the perfect ensemble to woo your The Perfect One.” ūüėČ So, Good Luck and I hope that you encounter your Perfect One very soon :’)

Defining Death~an exquisite form of Art 

‚Äč‚Äč

Death is inevitable. Death is encountered by every being. Death is a coveted title. Death is peaceful. Death is freedom… Death is a beautiful reality.. articulate enough. 
Death is not merely closing your eyes forever and letting your soul leave the body. Death is a divine form of art leading to a path of eternal peace. Paradise becomes the canvas and you become the object of the painting – a free bird with gossamer wings….. letting yourself explore new horizons everyday. 

Death is a symphony, and an Octave Its heartbeat. Death is a novel, never-ending and a Writer’s beloved. Death is a form of dance in synchronization with the beats of music…. which lets you be as graceful as you can be. 

Death knows no bar… death knows no religion. Death is embraced by all… for Death is innocent, and death is an exquisite form of Art.